you are a wild seaside boy. drawn to the blue changing tides you grew up near. the salt in the air from the sea mixes in with your hair so that you always smell like the ocean. wild and strong and steady and adventurous. something she wanted to stay close to for the rest of her life. you took her into the ocean, around a rocky cliff-face that reached deep into the sea and stretched out 30 feet in the air. she held your hand and let her bare feet build up callouses against the hard rock. she knew there would be more adventures to come. you climbed to the top of the cliff with her. hand-in-hand, you looked out over the blue sea and the endless sky that stretched over your perfect seaside hometown.
like a glimpse into their future, they jumped. jumped without thinking of anything that could hurt them. they jumped with the recklessness of youth. they jumped knowing their lives could feel this way forever if they let it. they jumped and let the waves carry them to their dream life together. a life of waking up to the sun. of quiet morning coffees and road trips along breathtaking scenery and forgetting all the past hurt and making up little games just between the two of them and dancing in their kitchen in their tiny apartment where they would eventually start a family. a life full of love and living out of suitcases and chasing their dreams. a life of realizing that they were each others' dreams. the kind of dream that is better than anything you could imagine, like the perfect other half that you only fall more in love with as time goes by. the kind of dream that gives you that feeling of jumping off a 30 foot cliff into a deep blue sea. the kind of dream that makes you really feel alive.

All these days seem to be blurring together. Like an old 8mm movie of a past love. I wake up so early, the birds aren't even singing yet. The streets are empty and thick with fog. I occasionally spot a few deer along the tree-line as I drive by. I can sometimes make out their shapes and see them watching me from a distance, delicate and curious and beautiful.
I know I will miss these quiet days filled with little responsibility. The life I live is simple. I make coffee in the mornings and come home in the evening to my loving husband. We are free to create and cook and dream together. I know life will not always be this simple. Soon there will be heavy responsibilities resting on our shoulders. There will be babies to tend to and important deadlines to meet and loved ones to care for in their old age. This time we have now is beyond precious.

you told me your favorite summer
was the one we spent together.
it was january and we were driving
down nebraska avenue
on our way to some shitty bar you loved
listening to a mix i made;
sam cooke and otis redding and brenton wood
all the records we played at our house that summer.

a shotgun house in the south
that jamaican restaurant across the street
it always smelled like weed. 
the owner sang bob marley songs and played
guitar on saturday nights.
he would bring us leftovers from his restaurant
when he had them.
our stomachs were so full on plantains and jerk chicken
and coconut rice with kidney beans.

we spent most days on our front porch
eating fruit and reading and getting sun drunk
our skin turned golden brown. honey.
on weekends we would drive to the ocean
just to sit and be near it all day.

I started to walk toward the hill in the middle of my town.
It was the last day of high school. 
The air was so clean and fresh and new. tangible. 
My friends, Louise and Lux climbed to the top of the hill with me.
On the way up, we picked the biggest dandelions we could find.
We thought our wishes had a better chance of coming true
if there were more seeds being sent out into the air.
Hoping that maybe one of them would find it's way into the ground and sprout magic. We were always day dreaming together. 

We stood there for a moment, thinking about what wish we wanted to send out.
I waited, already knowing what mine was. It was the same wish as always.
The one I wished on every dandelion and wishbone and birthday candle
and four leaf clover and fallen eyelash. A wish for a love to love forever.
A love with soft blue eyes who loved to laugh and dance and make music.
It was probably the same wish as every girl my age.
The same as Lousie and Lux. But we didn't say a word to each other.
We just let all the air out of our lungs and released every
last seed into the wind until all we were left with was the stem of a weed.

If we were lucky, we'd be taken from our perfect suburban paradise.
With perfect gingerbread cookie cutter houses lining every block.
Our dream was to see new cities and landscapes. To drive to the mountains in Colorado and onto the redwoods in California. It was all just a dream.
But maybe it would all be real if Lux's wish came true. 

She had ridden the crests of waves.
She had run barefoot through forests.

She had jumped off rocks and dove into the ocean from treetops.

She had seen sights that had taken her breath away.

But the cold winds of winter had changed things.
She couldn't taste the salt of the ocean when she walked outside anymore.
She couldn't find any forests to run in.

She was a wild animal, locked in a cage.

A wild, free spirit forced to be tamed.

She worked 9-5 nearly every day.
She came home and cooked meals in her small apartment.

When she turned the sink faucet on, she saw more than a stream of water filling her glass.

She saw her summers full of ocean diving.
She felt the sun on her skin, only to realize she was still in her kitchen.

She longed to be set free.

To be uncaged.

You are a wild wolf boy.

Eyes green, speckled with bits of brown.

Like a forest begging to get lost in.

In the summer, your skin turns maple brown. 

Sunkissed and glowing.

Your hands are strong and calloused from years of bricklaying

with your Father.

We drive around the streets of your hometown

that is named after my home state.

You show me all the houses that were built by his hands and yours.

They are towering mansions.

I imagine our home and the fireplace you will build there.

You are a busking surfer boy on the Venice Beach boardwalk.

Dreadlocks drenched in ocean salt and golden sand.

Playing Dylan and Donovan on your grandfather's guitar.
Faded wood and worn down inlays.

You play Mr. Tambourine Man, and I nearly cry hearing those lyrics
for the first time.

I want to be under that same diamond sky.

Hands outstretched. reaching.

You are a runaway on a train headed west.

Watching as the Allegheny Mountains roll by.

Vanishing from your small town that rests in the foothills.

Nestled and neatly tucked away.
The only place on earth that will keep you safe.
But the risk of danger is too enticing. 
You are intoxicated by it.
The rush of carelessness.
Escaping the mundane.
Leading you toward the inevitable road to ruin. 
I always knew you would leave me for her one day.
The girl named Calamity.

Even in your absence, I see you in every sad lost boy.
My heart is open to all the drifters and ramblers and roamers in the world.
Somehow, you are a part of each of them.
The Wanderlusts.